One Shot Fun
by xXannabellXx
Summary: This is a series of humor-based one shots. It doesn't really HAVE a specific plot.
1. Inferior Human Entertainment

**I do not own IZ it's characters or anything else. Really, all I own is this cat, this bag, and a pretty slick lawn mower.**

"What _is it_, Zim?" Red asked, clearly exasperated. As usual, Zim was unphased by the Tallests' clear annoyance with him.

"I have devised my most diabolical plan for destroying all of humanity!" Zim declared. He struck a heroic pose. Red and Purple both slapped their palms to their foreheads. Zim was _still_ trying? If the Irken system was based on persistence rather than height, Zim would be at the top. Red made a metal note to make it a permanent law that the rating system will _never_ be based on persistence.

"Zim, we- Oh, alright. What is it?" Red asked. Purple munched contently on his donuts. A few crumbs floated around in zero-gravity.

"Humans are hypnotized by their _TV_ devices! If I control the television stations, I control the world." Zim seemed proud of his plan. Red said something about an enemy vessel, and cut the transmission. Zim didn't notice that they had no real reason for leaving, other than the fact that they hated him. Zim, hands on his hips in a victorious stance, marched over to the TV and turned it on. For the occasion, he had gotten cable, much to Gir's delight. Zim turned it on, and realized what channel it was on. Gir had been watching it earlier that day.

_(*Flash In*)_

"NO, HOLLY J.! HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU, BUT SOMEONE DOES! _SOMEONE DOES!_" Gir screamed, sitting in front of the TV.

"GIR, SHUT UP!" Zim yelled from his lab. Gir ran in, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"But Paige doesn't want to admit that she likes Alex, and if she doesn't soon, she'll lose her forever!"

"What?"

"A-And Emma keeps starving herself! She promised she'd stop, _but she lied!_" Gir shrieked, rolling around on the ground, crying. Zim's eye twitched.

"Gir?"

"Y-Yes?" Gir was still crying.

"What were you watching?"

"...D-...DEGRASSI!" He burst into another fit, and finally fell asleep on the floor, sucking his thumb.

_(*Flash Out*)_

Zim tried to remember how to bock certain channels and shows. He hit the options button. He saw something called "On Demand" and decided that must be where he _DEMANDED _the TV to never let Gir watch Degrassi again. He scrolled through the options. He saw 'Adult', and figured this was where adults configure settings. He clicked it once, and waited. And waited. And waited. He angrily clicked the 'Select' button as many times as he could. After another few seconds, the rest of the options flashed through quickly. A list of movies flashed for a second, and the first option flashed. Where Zim hit the button so many times, the TV thought he was selecting the first option of everything. It flashed through a few more options.

Finally, it said "Watch Movie. Yes/Cancel?" The first option was yes. It flashed, as if Zim had _tried_ to select it. Zim stared at the TV, unaware of what he had just done. The movie started. After about thirty seconds of moaning from the characters, Zim ran and got a laser gun, and shot the TV as many times as he could.

"What was that?" He gasped, after annihilating the TV.

"I dunno..." The computer mumbled.

"Make a guess!" Zim snapped.

"O-_kaaaay_...It seemed to be a movie of the human mating ritual. A slang term among humans for it is 'porn'." The computer hadn't guessed. He had looked the movie title up on the internet. Honestly, he had been as disturbed by it as Zim had. Zim stood there for a second, eying the burnt, smoking remains of the TV.

"GIR! I have been sickened by this human entertainment! _Fetch me the bucket!_" Zim was sick for another three hours after that.

"Look, Gaz! Zim almost looks greener than usual." Dib pointed out. Zim hadn't gotten too much sleep. He had tried to devise a plan on how to rid the world of the 'On Demand' button.

"Pft. Maybe he got a tan." Gaz murmured sarcastically.

"No, he looks kinda...Not good." Dib said. "HEY ZIM!" Zim looked up at Dib, yawned, and walked over. They were at recess, on the playground.

"Yes, Dib-stink?"

"You used that yesterday." Gaz observed.

"What?" Zim asked.

" 'Dib-stink'. You used that all day yesterday. Think of a better one."

"O-_kay_. What, Dib-monkey?"

"You look weird. What are you up to?" Dib accused Zim.

"I am _up to_ nothing!...If you must know, a back-woods form of human entertainment has sickened me."

" 'Back-woods form of human entertainment'? I bet that's just a cover-up! If you aren't up to something, tell me what this 'back-woods entertainment' was!" Dib demanded. Zim just shook his head.

"I don't like talking about it."

"HA! I'VE GOT YOU NOW- And there's no one here." Dib said, jumping through the window into Zim's living room. He took a few pictures with his camera when the door-bell rang. He answered it.

"Um...Hello?"

"Here's your bills. Give 'em to your ma' and dad." The delivery guy handed Dib a few envelopes.

"Um- Right! Because I live here! Good-bye!" Dib slammed the door. He saw the On Cast bill.

"Zim has cable?" He asked himself out loud. He ripped open the envelope and saw the movie under the 'On Demand' section of the bill. He recognized the title from some creep at the movie store walking out of the '18 and Up' section of the movie rental store. He saw the charred remains of the TV, and that the movie had been stopped after thirty-two seconds. He was smart enough to connect the dots. He started laughing so hard he cried.

After an insane laughing fit, he took a picture of both the destroyed TV and the bill. He left the bills on the couch and went home, still giggling occasionally. He plugged the camera into his computer and opened the two pictures.

"GAZ! YOU- HA HA -GOTTA COME SEE THIS! Ha ha ha," Dib yelled from his bedroom. Gaz growled, spilling a little bit of milk she had been pouring over cereal. She took the rest of the cereal and went upstairs, expecting a stupid cat video or something.

Zim heard an unfamiliar laugh from behind him. Usually, laughing meant someone making fun of him. He turned around, ready to yell at some brat. He was a bit surprised to see _Gaz_ laughing.

"What're you laughing at, Gaz-creature?"

"Heheh, Dib showed me some pictures of your base, Zim. We found out what you meant by 'b-back-woods entertainment. D-Don't you know not to click 'Adult' on t-the TV?" Gaz said, snickering. She laughed again. Zim felt his cheeks get warm. Oh, no.

**Hope you enjoyed that. I'd like to include that most of these won't really have a point other than just to make you smile :) ...So they won't have a complex, intellectual plot, but ARE hopefully enough to brighten people's day a tiny bit. They don't have life morals, and don't have angst. This is going to be a little series of one-shots, written purely for humor. They will have little to nothing to do with each other, like one-shots tend to do.**


	2. Emergency Transmission

The lights flickered throughout the entire school. The students didn't know the the lights were flickering throughout the entire world. The electricity finally gave out. The only light and sound in Mr. Elliot's classroom for a few moments was Gaz's Game Slave. A group of vampire piggies squealed as they met their doom. The screen at the front of the classroom flicked on. All screens all over the world flicked on, all with the same message; An Irken insignia took up most of the screens. It was on all devices with a screen. Even Gaz's Game Slave had the symbol on it. The symbol went away, and a video feed started. A green dog licked the screen.

"Hello, Earth!" Gir screeched. "Check this out!" Gir started beat-boxing, but the camera was yanked away from him. Zim didn't have his disguise on.

"GIR! STOP IT! To all Earth h-"

"ZIM LOVES TAK! ZIM LOVES TAK!" Gir sang, yanking the camera back.

"GIR! SHUT UP! Zim loves _no one!_ No one but himself!"

"THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF-" Gir screamed.

"NO! I HAVE PICTURES OF NO ONE!" Zim screamed, yanking the camera back. "To all Earth humans, you shall obey-"

"SEE? LOOK I GOT IT!" Gir screamed, shoving something in front of the camera. There was a flash of purple before Zim yanked the camera away.

"OBEY THE FIST, FOOLISH_ HUMANS_!" Zim screamed.

"Wait, this isn't Tak! It's Gaz! _ZIM LOVES GAZ_!" Gir sang. Zim threw the video camera at him.

"All humans are to-"

"ZIM LOVES GAZ!" Gir screamed again.

"NO! I LOVE _NO ONE_!" Zim insisted.

"I GONNA_ LICK_ DAT CAMERA!" Gir screamed. He yanked the camera away again. Gaz saw him drop the picture of herself on the ground, and started licking the camera.

"_OBEY THE FIST_!" Zim screamed before the transmission was cut.

**Painfully short, I know, but I like it :)**


	3. The Fourth Wall

Dib rambled about aliens and Bigfoot, and Gaz didn't bother to pretend to be listening. She preferred slaying Vampire Piggies to his insane ramblings. _She_ knew Zim was an alien, but she still thought he was off his rocker. What a weird figure of speech! Watson, you're off your rocker and fifty feet away knittin' sweaters for the homeless aardvarks!...Wait, a story? Oh, yeah, my story! A road was blocked off, so they had to walk a different way. After a few minutes of walking, they heard a struggle in a dark ally. Dib, being the hero he was, had to go see what was going on. Gaz was using the sound of his steps to know which way to walk because she wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention. They walked down the dark ally (Cue creepy, ally-way music!), to find who had been making all the noise. Zim appeared to be wrestling a teenage girl (and kind of losing), while Gir watched, eating a taco.

"Zim? What're you-" Dib asked, but was interrupted by the girl.

"_ZIM? SO THAT'S YOUR NAME! MWA HA HA HA HA! NOW I CAN FIGURE OUT WHERE YOU LIVE AND COME AND SLIT YOUR THROAT WHILE YOUR ASLEEP!_" She pinned him, and held back her fist, clearly about to punch him in the face. Gaz had stopped playing her Game Slave to watch the fight.

"Off me, human girl!" Zim yelled, sounding unafraid. She growled at him.

"Now, you shall feel pain like no other! You will suffer until I feel my God's name has been avenged!" She punched him several times, and he managed to squirm away. He ran like there was no tomorrow.

"_C'MON GIR! SHE'S CRAZIER THAN DIB!_" He gasped, running as fast as his little Irken legs could carry him. Dib snickered when he saw Zim's many bruises. The girl flipped her hair and stood up.

"Hey, what did you mean when you said 'your God's name shall be avenged'?" Dib asked the girl. He could now see that her shirt said "Question Sleep" on the front, and "Z?" on the back.

"Oh! He insulted Him." The girl explained.

"Insulted who?" Dib asked. Gaz was listening to the conversation, too, wanting to see if the girl really was crazier than Dib. Like what you see so often in detective shows, we cut to a cafe, with no indication as to why or how they got there. As usual, it's implied that the- er -question ask-y people asked something, and the answer helps imply what it was.

"Hmm, but I wasn't being totally serious when I said I would find him and slit his throat while he's asleep. Actually, he may be able to see the wonderfulness in my God." The girl said.

"So...Um...Who is your god? How did Zim offend Him?" Dib asked. Gaz wanted to see if the crazy girl was going to beat Dib up.

"Oh, well, Zim offended Him by saying He was human. I mean, He says He is human, and has human parents, and doesn't usually say He is a god...But He is, of course." There was an awkward pause when it became apparent to everyone that this girl was crazy. Like, super crazy. Dib sighed. She was crazy, but pretty, so he might have a tiny chance with her.

"Who is your god?" He asked.

"...Jhonen Vasquez." There was a little pause when she said a normal enough name.

"What does he do that makes him...I mean, that made you see that he's a god?" Dib tried. Gaz snickered, holding her Game Slave in front of her face to hide a smirk. _Wow_, She thought.

"He wrote JTHM, and is hilarious...And He's a god." The girl said. Dib gave her a completely fake smile.

"Really? I'll have to...Um...look into that...Gaz and I gotta go!" He grabbed Gaz and ran away. "Remind me never to talk to an obsessed fan girl again," He hissed to Gaz after they were out of ear-range.

**Honest question, people- Doesn't going out in public and acting like the fan girl sound fun? JUST to see people run away, sending the men in white coats after you? That's MY idea of fun.  
**


	4. Gaz Spiked the Punch

The family trip (though their dad couldn't make it) to Las Vegas had ended in disaster. Gaz was now twenty, and Dib twenty-one. Apparently, Gaz thought it was perfectly okay to spike Dib's punch. _WHY did Zim have to follow us? _Dib thought, waiting outside the lawyers office. He got a call on his cell phone. He picked it up: It was Gaz. He braced himself and answered it. Sure enough, she was laughing harder than she ever had.

"You-You r-really-" She couldn't even finish. Dib grimaced.

"Yep. Outside the lawyers office right now." At his tone, Gaz started laughing even harder.

"D-Does Tak know?"

"Does my girlfriends know I got drunk and married a psychotic alien? No. I hope she never does." Gaz laughed more for a few more seconds, but suddenly stopped.

"Why did he...Can he even get drunk?" She asked. This hadn't occurred to Dib.

"I'll be sure to ask..." He couldn't even finish the sentence. Even he had a little bit of pride, and it had curled up and shot itself when he woke up next to Zim.

"I figured out that alcohol doesn't burn me like most human liquids, Dib-stink," Zim said, from the chair next to him, "I didn't know it would have the effect it did." Gaz had heard him, and started laughing even harder.

"Gaz, I wouldn't even be in this situation if you hadn't spiked the damn punch!" Dib snapped.

"I-I'll be sure to i-include that when I tell Tak you m-married Z-"

"Don't say it!...It looks like we're next. I have to go."

Later...

"HE WHAT?" Tak sounded threatening, even through the phone static.

"H-He..married..."

"Married who?" Tak demanded. Gaz laughed harder.

"Z...Zim! He married Zim!"

"WHY?" Tak screeched.

"O-Okay...Do you know what effect alcohol has on humans?"

"Yes."

"I spiked his punch, and it had the same effect on Zim...When Dib m...did that...He probably had no idea who he was marrying." Gaz laughed so hard she had to hang up. Tak considered if she should put this in her next progress report.


	5. How To Explain

No one knew why Miss Bitters was gone. No one wanted to know why. All they knew was that half the staff suspiciously disappeared on the day, forcing many grades to merge together.

Gaz and Dib just so happened to be forced into the same class, along with Zim and many others. The substitute teacher strolled in, smiling in an almost inhuman way.

"O-kay!" She squealed. The entire class groaned. She picked up a piece of chalk and wrote on the board:

WRITING ASSIGNMENT:

HOW WOULD YOU EXPLAIN LOVE TO A CREATURE WHO CAN'T FEEL IT?

Just as the class had earlier groaned, most of them now slapped their palm to their foreheads. The substitute smile seemed to grow slightly for a moment.

"Let's get to work!" She chirped. Gaz gagged at her happy-go-lucky tone.

At the end of the day, the substitute shuffled through the papers. Three of them seemed to stick out the most. The first had doodles of piggies on the edges. It read:

"Why would I even WANT to explain something to it? It's none of my business. I don't care if the creature jumps off a cliff. It probably should. If I had to explain it, I'd tell it to rip out it's heart and eat it so I could watch, then laugh at it because it would think that's what love is."

Hmm. Not too happy. The substitute read the second strange paper:

"I won't be explaining ANYTHING to it! If it understands English but not Love, it's probably and alien! It should be dissected! I'm not crazy. You'll all see."

Umm…Also not too happy. The third strange paper had doodles of lasers and things like "I LOVE EARTH" written on the side. It read:

"I won't be talking to it at all. IT IS INFERIOR TO MY FELLOW PIG-SMELLIES AND I! It should be my slave. HAHAHAHA!

I'M NORMAL!"

Maybe this city had something in the water?


End file.
